


how i offered you what was left of me

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie, your eyes are soft with sorrow, hey, that's no way to say goodbye." Leonard Cohen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how i offered you what was left of me

**Author's Note:**

> "I will remember the kisses  
> Our lips raw with love  
> And how you gave me everything you had  
> And how I offered you  
> What was left of me"
> 
> Charles Bukowski

Rachel already knows when the doctor comes out of the ward, and shuts the door carefully behind him. “There’s nothing more we can do except to make her comfortable and wait,” he says quietly, and she nods. He rests his hand on her shoulder for a moment before he leaves.

She isn’t sure how long she’s left standing until it hits her that she’s wasting what little time she has left; but even then, it’s a fight to put her hand on the doorknob, and turn it, and walk in.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Quinn.” Rachel bends over to kiss Quinn’s forehead. She slips her hand in Quinn’s as she sits in the waiting chair by her wife’s bedside. Her hand is cold, a side effect of the chemo, but Rachel’s gotten used to it. “How are you feeling?”

Quinn gives her a “Really, Berry?” look that is so reminiscent of her Head Cheerio high school days, which - _God_ \- weren’t that long ago. Rachel chuckles. But Quinn says, “I’m fine,” eventually, in a soft and tired voice that brings Rachel back to the present and the sickness that has overtaken her beautiful wife.

“You’re not in pain, are you?”

“No. Dr Hunton gave me plenty of morphine.” Quinn doesn’t look her in the eye when she says this. It goes unspoken that morphine is the only treatment she’s getting. Rachel knows this, and she squeezes Quinn’s hand - gently, because she’s fragile. “I’m okay.”

“Good.” Rachel glances out the window, and then kicks off her shoes hurriedly like she’s doing a bad thing - Quinn lets out a surprised giggle - and then climbs into the bed. She curls around Quinn’s side, careful not to rest any weight on her wife; Quinn huffs and pulls Rachel properly on her body so her head is tucked into her neck. “I’m not made of glass,” says Quinn very indignantly.

“I know, sweetheart.” A year ago Quinn had so many tubes sticking out of her, it was impossible to cuddle with Rachel like she was used to. All of them are gone now. It doesn’t make any of them any happier. Rachel shifts a little, strokes Quinn’s cheek, presses a kiss to a too-pale cheek. “But I’m sure you don’t want an elbow in your side. You always complain about how pointy they are.”

“That’s true,” Quinn tells her. “They _are_ ridiculously pointy.” Her arm goes around Rachel’s waist and she holds on to Quinn’s wrist to keep it there. Her wrist is peppered with holes from needles and IV drips; Rachel’s thumb rubs over the marks as though she could wipe them away.

They lie in silence for some time. Rachel slows her breathing to match Quinn’s rhythm, listening to her wife’s heartbeat. Her free hand finds Quinn’s and tangles their fingers together.

“Rachel?”

“Yes, Quinn?”

“Would you… sing for me?”

Rachel props herself up so she can look at Quinn. Her wife’s hazel eyes are bright, something the sickness couldn’t take from her, and they are focused on Rachel. “Sure, sweetie. What song?”

“Anything. Even your Broadway songs. I can’t really think right now. I just want to hear you sing.”

Rachel smiles. “Okay.” She kisses Quinn’s cheek, then the bridge of her nose, and then the other cheek, making her wife laugh. She’s buying time as she thinks of a song.

She’s also saving this moment to lock away in a corner of her heart for the rest of her life, but she hasn’t the courage to admit it to herself yet.

“ _Some day, when I’m awfully low, when the world is cold,”_ sings Rachel breathily against Quinn’s lips. “ _I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight._ ”

Quinn’s eyes brighten with familiarity. She starts to hum along.

“ _Yes, you’re lovely, with your smile so warm, and your cheeks so soft._ ” Oh dear god, she should have thought more carefully before choosing this song. She remembers their wedding day, and singing this song to her starry-eyed wife.

When Quinn was diagnosed, they promised each other they wouldn’t cry because they’d just set each other off (especially Rachel, she’s always been one for dramatics) but Rachel’s eyes are glistening, and Quinn’s look suspiciously wet too. “ _There is nothing for me but to love you, and the way you look tonight._ ”

“I’m sorry.”

Rachel shakes her head, hard enough to let tears leak out. She squeezes Quinn’s hand and continues to sing.

_With each word your tenderness grows_   
_Tearing my fear apart_   
_And that laugh wrinkles your nose_   
_Touches my foolish heart_

_Lovely, never, never change_   
_Keep that breathless charm_   
_Won’t you please arrange it?_   
_'Cause I love you_   
_Just the way you look tonight_

Quinn has her eyes closed but she opens them again when Rachel stumbles over the last note. “You were flat,” she says, wonderment in her voice. Rachel just shakes her head, huffing quietly.

“I’m entitled to an off day sometimes, Quinn.”

But Quinn shakes her head and insists, “You never have an off day. You’re perfect.”

Well, who is she to contradict her biggest fan? Rachel just hums in agreement, and starts stroking Quinn’s hair. Quinn rests her face against Rachel’s neck.

“Rachel.”

Rachel doesn’t have to answer. She can hear it in her wife’s voice; her arms tighten around Quinn’s shoulders. “Okay, baby.”

“Sing for me again,” says Quinn, her voice shaky. Rachel nods. She dips her head to kiss Quinn’s cheeks, nose, forehead, and a last butterfly kiss on her lips. A wedding ring glistens around Quinn’s neck, transferred to a chain when she grew too thin to wear it. Rachel lifts it to her lips as well.

“ _Lovely, never, never change, keep that breathless charm, won’t you please arrange it?”_

The light in Quinn’s eyes starts to fade for the first time in Rachel’s memory.

“ _‘Cause I love you,”_

Quinn’s breathing starts to slow. Rachel’s crying so hard their bodies are shaking, but she’s a professional, and her voice remains steady.

“ _Just the way you look tonight,_ ” she whispers into Quinn’s ear even though she knows Quinn can’t hear her anymore.

 


End file.
